Ask Marvin #4

Today, Marvin receives an inquiry from a disgruntled DD, apparently an unhappy benefactor of Marvin’s advice!

“hi2u mr marvin,  im Jenny and im a 11 year old gurl and dood my mom is like, so mean 2 me u just wont beleive it.  its like so not nice its not even funny.  i mean- i was all telling my friends how lucky they are to have nice moms and they totally think my mom is teh worst!  we so send text messages all the time to each other all the time about my mom and how its so unfair to be me and my life is just awful beacuse of her and you cant even imagine how much worse it just got!  it was so bad I had to miss the all-new episodes of hanna montana so I could call my bff and tell her wut happened today  she laughed @me and started sending IMs to everyone @skool and now everyone is going 2 make fun of me again and its all ur fault!”

Marvin had to consult some urban dictionaries and then decides to skip a bit to the end of the email….

“…u have 2 help me cuz i could have died when mom sez “Dear, I was reading my favorite blog today and your father and I have decided that you have to go back to a carseat.  It’s for your own good.  You know, automobile crashes are the number one killer of children and we just want what is safest our precious little girl.”  im completly bummed 2 sit in a booster again but then she telz me that i have to wear a harness!  she so dissed me!  dewd it getz even more uncool cuz she spends all the money they saved for my macbook computer to buy some seat called a roosevelt cuz of what some creepy dum fish said!  YOU HAVE TO HELP ME O PLZ HELP ME PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ!  oh and btw she wont let me get a puppy either and all my friends have dogz and catz and i sooooo really want one and i promised to clean up after it and take care of it and she still wont let me have one :/  –  XOXOXO <3 Jny”

Hi Jenny!  Marvin is very sorry to hear about your predicament.  Since you are not driving age yet, Marvin does think that you should be in a harness for a few more years, or maybe even the rest of your life if your family grows ’em short and squirmy.  I know this is not the news you were wanting to read, assuming they still teach standard English and not just webspeak in school these days.

The good news is this.  Marvin definitely thinks you deserve a puppy.  If your parents think enough of you to spend $625 on a child restraint, they certainly think enough of you to get you a dedicated companion!  SureIy, your mom has Marvin on her RSS feed and wants his advice on everything.  She knows that any parents who really love their children will buy them a cute, cuddly puppy.  Puppies are so cute and playful.  They really aren’t much effort at all to take care of them, at least not for you!  Get this, and this is the thing, even though you promise to feed it, walk it, clean up after it, groom it and everything else, you don’t really have to!  Take Marvin’s advice here.  When it comes time to take care of the puppy, you have something a lot more important to do.  Texting, IM, phone calls, movies, jamming to some tunez, maybe even English homework!  Just whine a little bit  the first few times then  Mom and Dad will do it for you!  Soon, they won’t even ask you anymore because they don’t want to fight with you or hear the whining.  Then, they will just do it all the time and all you have to do is play with the puppy (when you aren’t too busy texting!).  It works every time, with every mom and dad, guaranteed!

Now here’s how to sell it to mom.  Her weakness is keeping passengers safe in cars.  You know she couldn’t stand to think of that puppy you want being adopted by another family who won’t properly restrain it!  Once she sees a cute harness like this one for your puppy, she’ll have to have it and a puppy to match!  (Marvin doesn’t necessarily recommend this particular product, but it was one of the most expensive he could find at our affiliate store!).

Marvin really hopes your mom will get you that lovable puppy that looks so lonely in the pet store.  You know the sad one that suddenly is soooo happy when YOU look at them?  That cage looks so uncomfortable and who knows how often they let those poor dogs out to get some exercise!  That puppy could really use a nice home and a bff!  If she’s one of THOSE moms and still won’t let you have a puppy, I’m sure you could compromise for a nice fishy or maybe even a hamster!  Mom and Dad LOVE to compromise!

XXOO, Marvin

Marvin’s “What’s Fishy” Advocates Corner:

On the topic of beloved pets, Marvin knows you kids really love us.  So STOP TAPPING ON MY TANK!  It’s really loud in here and Marvin doesn’t like the greasy fingerprints all over the glass because they stay there for months as his “person” never cleans it.  Instead, Starvin’ Marvin sure wouldn’t mind if one of you snuck some more of those tasty little pellets into his tank when his “person” isn’t looking, though.

And speaking of the three glass tappers in the house.  Marvin’s got another giveaway that involves them.  It’s a little harder than last week’s contest, but the giveaway is arguably better, too:-)

The first person to comment here with all correct answers wins the prize!  Marvin really liked Kecia’s quiz last week, so here’s one of his own.  It’s a bit loaded for Car-Seat.Org readers, but anyone should be able to use a Google or forum search  or post search to come up with a good guess from old comments, reviews, etc.  Here it is:

What three child restraints are currently being used by Marvin’s Person to keep those three glass tappers safe in the minivan?

Today’s prize is another bag, but Marvin will tell you the contents.  This week it’s a sporty red tote sack, courtesy of Chicco USA.  In the bag is a handy little gadget we saw at the ABC Kids Expo.  It’s the original STRAP+TO IT.  It’s a nice strap to secure your infant seat to a shopping cart!  Also inside, a nice magnet from our friends at Parking Pal.  Use it to keep kids safe around your vehicle or maybe attached to your refrigerator for a time-out or to hold up artwork!

Only one guess of all three seats per comment!  You can enter more than once, but we don’t want anyone spamming for this highly desirable prize package!  So, if you do try again, there must be at least 5 (five!) guesses from other distinct blog readers between your responses!  Hints may be added periodically to tell you who’s on the right track!