Matt’s back. For your enjoyment .
Go ahead. Click on the link and read the story. I’ll wait.
While I’m waiting, I’ll mention that there are more car seats in our house. These are not even for my kids. One of them is called the Orbit and it’s part of a system that includes a stroller. The car seat looks like a design out of the Soviet Union in the 1980s. The part on the back even looks like some sort of rocket nozzle. I think the point is that if there is a crash, the seat ignites and launches the child safely away from the vehicle, possibly to the moon. That’s why it’s called the Orbit. The entire system supposedly costs over $1,000. $1,000! Those silly Russians. But it’s always more expensive when they can call it a “system.” Oh, and the logo for the Orbit looks like a mother lovingly, and gently, reaching out and grabbing her child by the throat. Look at it.
Anyway, did you read the story? Crazy, isn’t it? You probably had the same initial thought I did. Silly Alabamans, it’s a wire “clothes” hanger, not a wire “close” hanger. I presume the typo came from the person writing the story, as the police officer likely would not have distinguished between “close” and “clothes” when he was speaking to the reporter. The words are similar and in some dialects nearly indistinguishable. Even if he clearly said “close” and not “clothes,” I, as the reporter, would have given him the benefit of the doubt and written “clothes” just so as not to make him look like, well, like he’s from Albertville, Alabama.
When I pointed this out to Heather, she said that she appreciated the error in the article, but claimed that the amusing and telling typo was not the primary reason she sent it to me. The main point, apparently, is that you should not use your teenager to secure a cardboard box on top of your car. Lumber, possibly, a refrigerator, probably, but not a cardboard box. That’s what husbands are for. Or dogs. Whichever.
It is encouraging to see that it is a crime in some places to use your teenaged child in such a manner. In many places it is still okay to put a kid in the back of a pickup truck as cargo, or let a kid ride in an inappropriate child seat, but we draw the line at actually requiring a kid to ride on the top of a vehicle. We’ve come so far.